I used to love rainy days. Now I hate them. For it seems everytime there is a rainy day something bad happens to me and Mark. He said he doesn't know if he believes that I love him. Now that just rips my heart apart. I love him more than all the words I could possibly say to explain it. But I blame my fucking self. I don't say it enough to him. I don't tell him all the ways I love him. I've always been like that. I have such a hard time expressing how I feel. There are so many times I'm just laying with him and I want to look into his eyes and tell him I love him but it's like I chicken out and I don't know why. I fucking hate it so much.
He's afraid that I'm going to leave him. He says these things to me and it completely blows my mind. I look at him, he's amazingly gorgeous, so many girls would cut off their right boob to be with him. I'm so afraid he is going to leave me for someone else. I watched him break up with Michelle to go out with me. I heard the story of him cheating on her. I'm not saying at all that I think he would cheat on me. I'm just saying that girls throw themselves at him. I look at myself and I think why? Why does he want to be with me? He could have the prettiest, sexiest girls but yet he wants me. That's why I never thought he would go out with me in the first place. I always thought he was too good for me.
I just wish on every star in the sky that he could feel how much I love him. How much I love being with him. How much I never want to let him go.